(un)Stuck

The inability to move. Whether this means in a particular position, place, or way of thinking.

Over the past five years, since graduation, every so often I feel stuck. There is no other word to describe it. Most times I would either feel stuck, physically to my location or stuck in my job.

The feeling of being stuck comes from the inability to see beyond what is immediately in front of me. Often times it tied back to fear. Fear of the unknown; fear of failure; fear of change; fear of success. Yes, the fear of success – now isn’t that an odd thought?

Why would I fear success? That seems like something to strive for, not fear.

Sometimes I still ponder over this. What is there to fear? Every one expects me to succeed at whatever I put my mind to, for the most part I do.

And there-in lies the answer. Responsibility and expectation.

Seems stupid, doesn’t it?

But what can be expected from a girl who was asked where the other 5% was when she showed her test scores?

Perfectionists are often times underachievers – because that means we have 100% guarantee of success without fear of repercussions. Expectations are met. Think about what could be, if we applied ourselves – the possibilities.

However, there is still a part within me who has dreams, goals, ambition. The other half of myself who often thinks of wonderful big projects, but fear of not succeeding 100% has led me to feeling stuck. When polar opposites pull on each other, the result is motionless – not going one way or another. Being stuck.

Over the course of this year (and how scary that half the year has gone by?) I am coming to grips with this part of me that fears success and what that means. And isn’t that the millennial trap? That we were all told how special we were and could do whatever we want? That we get points for doing everything, and that we can never be wrong.

But that’s a lie.

There are times where we will fail and will be wrong. But failure is a necessity in life. Failure shapes us and grows us in ways we could not have imagined. Think about babies, if we were all afraid of not walking correctly, all of human kind would still be wiggling on the ground. But we had to fail to know what true success is – it makes us realize the potential that is already there. We just went for it. Potential is great, but that’s all it is until actioned. How can we think to even move a step forward if that potential is not realized?

Becoming unstuck is an active choice I decide to make every day I decide on what to do. It doesn’t come naturally to me, but stuck is a much worse feeling, much worse alternative that paralyzes me. Every day of not moving forward eats away at time and effort I could spend attempting something, learning and growing.

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